a few things I’ve learned about friendship

These past few weeks have been extremely painful for me in the friendship department. There have been many moments of self-reflection, a few tears, and lots of room for personal growth. Sadly, this has made me more cautious, less willing to open up to new people, more reserved and very angry. Here’s what I’ve learned:

  1. If people gossip with you about other people, they are definitely going to gossip about you to other people.
  2. If you invite people to your parties, they are under no obligation to invite you to their parties.
  3. If you are going to write that reference letter, pay for dinner, buy those concert tickets for a friend, etc., do it because you are a nice person and don’t ever expect anyone to return the favor and/or not stab you in the back later.
  4. Never beg people to hang out with you or be your friend. If they want to, they will find the time or make a way.
  5. Do more things with the people who ask you how your day was, “like” your pictures, and are supportive friends. Make time for them. Don’t push them away because you are mad about stupid people.
  6. Make sure you like yourself. You become a reflection of the people you are around. If you don’t want to be like that, it’s time to move on.
  7. There will be people you think are awesome and you will have so much in common with them and you will want to hang out with them all the time and they’ll just “get you” and then you will become “facebook friends” and realize they are the total opposite of you politically. Continuing the friendship will be hard, ending the friendship will be hard.

As I prepare to move back to the states, part of me wants to seek out new friendships, have the instagram full of #squadgoals, go on girls trips and be popular. Another part of me wants to become more anonymous, less transparent, and just do things by myself. I’m not sure which direction I’ll go yet. Have you struggled to maintain friendships or do you have a lot of friends? Any advice on meeting new people?

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  1. So much truth to your listing! When i became a mother that is when friends became more of a challenge as I had to learn to seek friends/ families that i could connect to and not feel like i had to change myself to fit in as i sort did to please my partner whom never asked me to but i was just trying to figure out all the new things that come with parenting.

    Once i decided that i would choose the friends i wanted and honor my values even if they were seen as traditional i had to stay true to myself. Once i got to this point i was able to move more freely!

    What i have learned is that the sisterhood of mothers i have met here in DC is special. I am really close to 2 and the others I like but its okay if we all not all tight but yet all support and love our village. I have come to understand my friendships are spread as far as the places i have lived or places my friends have moved.

    I was blessed when i moved to DC 9 years ago i was able to join the Returned Peace Corps events and met people through this. I would go out by myself to event that i was interested and met folks through that or dance classes. I wold say go to things you want to go to and hopefully meet someone. Don’t have expectations of people. Enjoy them and see where it goes. I love FB for this reason as I say i am interested in all the events even though i am not likely to make it to most or the lack of childcare complicates opportunities.

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