Bonjour! I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time. Hell, it’s happening to me right now. We sometimes get so completely lost in our kids or our partners or our jobs or whatever and we completely lose all sense of self. I see it play out with my friends and in facebook groups all the time. Your best friend has a baby and posts nonstop baby pictures and doesn’t talk about anything else anymore and her entire blog changes. You start dating someone and don’t hang out with your friends anymore and forget that you used to have hobbies of your own. You go to parties and only talk about work, all your friends are from work and you check your work email on the weekend. Who have these people become? Who have I become? Am I only a stay at home mom and a military wife? If I didn’t have kids and a husband who would I be then? Deep thoughts man, deep fucking thoughts.
Here’s a few questions to ask yourself, or your zombie friends if you think they need an intervention:
1. When you were in your best year, what made your face light up? (Me: 8th grade, Alanis Morrisette, sunflowers, orchestra)
2. What have you always wanted to do? Have you done it? (travel, dance, wear red lipstick, yes)
3. How is your health? Are you taking care of yourself? (not working out, not taking vitamins, how is my cholesterol?)
4. When you go to Target, what section (kids or baby clothes, cleaning supplies, food) do you go to first? (Me: dollar section, then makeup)
5. Do you feel guilty buying things for yourself? Why? (Sometimes I have to remind myself that my kids will be fine if I buy lipstick)
6. Does your partner go to your things as much as you go to his? Do you put your hobbies aside for them? Does your identity come from your partner and/or their job? When was the last time you saw a movie that you wanted to see?
7. How’s your underwear drawer? (If you have ratty old underwear, I count it as a sign of not caring anymore).
8. Do you have a planner? Do you have 1 thing? (my planner is super cute and on my instagram, my one thing is this blog, I wish I had more things though, like belly dance and yoga).
And that’s it. Hope this helps you (and possibly one of your friends) get back to themselves. It’s tough to find the time to just take care of yourself and sometimes I bet that feels really selfish, but it’s so important. In a future post, I’ll talk about some of the things I do to build myself back up. Au Revoir.